My Health Crisis
Sharing this story has been a long time coming…about seven years to be exact. And to be honest, this is my second time attempting to pour my heart out in a blog. Just when I thought I was ready, my body needed more healing. I was also struggling with the question “why should I share my health journey out loud?” But as I sit here and reread what I wrote eighteen month ago, I can’t help but feel all the feels I did then. So, instead of rewriting my journey to present day, I decided to keep this post the way I had written it. There is so much raw, real emotion poured into it. It’s also amazing to fast forward to today and realize that every fiber in my body is ready now to share my journey with every human being possible. I am beyond ready to inspire and uplift others who are struggling, confused, scared, anxious, pissed off, worried about what’s going on with their own health. So here goes nothing…
November 6, 2017
Why my story?
I never felt ready for other people outside my circle of friends and family to know what was really going on and I didn’t understand why anyone would care enough to hear my story. Then, just about a month ago, there was a major shift within myself. Just when I thought I was getting a grip on things I began to feel sicker than ever. At this point it was more than my gut giving me problems. It felt like all my muscles and joints were diminishing and my body was giving up on me. Flu like symptoms and extreme fatigue had me struggling to get out of bed. Here I am in a brand new state, starting my new adventure and I felt more hopeless than ever before. What the hell was going on?! I lost my positive vibes and I physically looked like all happiness was being sucked out of me. If it wasn’t for my patient and supportive boyfriend who let me cry in his arms day after day, I am not sure I would have found the courage to share My Gut Story out loud. But here I am. Now ready.
August, 2013
Let us rewind to 2013. I had just graduated grad school and was heading to Hawaii to start a new adventure. I sold everything over on the east coast and packed two suitcases. Yup, that was it! I landed on the island of Oahu where I would spend the next year as a live-in nanny with an amazing family that quickly became my own. Everything was hunkydory wonderful. I was learning to cook paleo-friendly meals, spent weekends hiking through luscious green forests and worked hard on my Hawaiian tan. Life was soooo amazing!
Then, a month into my new adventure, I got a frantic call from my brother back in Connecticut that would quickly turn my world upside. In a matter of seconds I learned that my family was now going to be broken. My parents, who were together for 33 years, were now getting a divorce. World War III broke out back at home and I immediately felt isolated on the island. For the next four months I would get phone calls from both my parents playing the “he said, she said” game. I battled nightmares, loss of appetite, emotional binge eating and hour long cry sessions until I passed out of pure exhaustion. Everyday I just wished I could go back home to mend my family back together. It was during these four months I realized just how far away Hawaii really was. All of this family drama was A LOT to handle and surprise…I did not handle it well at all.
Have you ever heard the phrase “your gut is your second brain?” Well, I learned first hand just how true this statement was. All the emotions, anxiety, worry and guilt I internalized. Every bit of anger, confusion and conversations I had with my parents I absorbed and kept to myself. I was becoming physically sick from the massive amount of chronic stress I was now under. When I did have an appetite, all my food would go right through me. We keep things raw and real on this blog, right? Good. With that being said, you could literally see what I had eaten that day when I went to the bathroom. Nothing was being digested and I was beginning to have severe bloat, gas and stomach cramps. Not to mention my face and back began to break out in painful cystic acne. Every time I looked at myself in the mirror I felt sick to my stomach. I was beginning to not recognize myself. I felt as if my body was attacking itself. I was becoming sensitive to all these different foods I once was able to eat. While my emotions were at an all time high, the majority of my friends and family kept telling me “keep yourself busy,” to keep my mind off the things that were happening at home.
So, I took their advice…and I took it to an extreme. During this hostile time I turned to the gym to relieve my anxiety. I took “stay busy” to a whole new level. I would spend 2-3 hours at the gym until I felt I left all I had there. It got to the point where I kept myself so busy, I did not know how to slow down. My body was in a constant fight or flight mode. I made sure I did not have time to sit and rest because if I allowed that, it meant I had time to analyze everything that was happening around me. Turns out I was doing way more harm than good.
January, 2014
It wasn’t until one day in January that my worry switched to fear due to the way my body was reacting to food. I remember specifically eating two scrambled eggs and looking 3 months pregnant. That was how bloated I was. I then spent the next two hours curled in a fetal position on the couch in so much pain. I could not move. It was at this moment I realized I needed to get some serious help. However, that help would have to be put on hold. I was about to spend the next three months in Alaska with my live-in nanny family. I packed up my two suitcases and headed out for a much colder adventure.
It was a month into my stay in Alaska that I went to see my first holistic doctor. Having grown up with only western medicine, I was intrigued by the idea of not slapping on a bandaid, but getting to the root cause of why my body was reacting the way it was. I explained to the doctor all that I was going through and the symptoms I was experiencing. He immediately put me on a 60 day elimination diet. I joked with my family that I was on a grass and water diet. All grains, dairy, soy, nuts, eggs, sugar, alcohol and processed foods were taken out of my diet. I was living on veggies and meat with occasional fruit. I was taking digestive enzymes with every meal and a few other supplements during these 60 days. Good news! After the elimination diet my face was clearing up and it seemed that my symptoms were getting less severe. Perfect timing because it was time for me to head back to Hawaii. The doctor in Alaska advised me to stay away from gluten, dairy and processed sugar while moving back to Hawaii. Great, that shouldn’t be too hard. Back to Hawaii I went.
August 2014
My one year contract with my live-in nanny family came to an end and I was fortunate enough to be hired as a special education teacher on Oahu. Woohoo, I was finally putting my degree to use! I was settling into my new routine and eating habits pretty nicely. While World War III was still raging hard back at home, I was teaching myself how to set boundaries and that it was okay to tell both my parents that I didn’t want to be the monkey in the middle anymore. The first couple months of teaching I did battle some stressful moments and looking back when these stressful events took place my stomach was the first to react. Can you relate? For the next half of the year I would adjust my diet and play with different foods to see what reacted and what didn’t. Alcohol was no longer something I dabbled with. Fortunately I never was a big partier, more of a grandma status, but you can’t blame a girl for an occasional red wine with dinner. However, I was serious about my health so I cut out the wine and chocolate (shocking I know). I took up journaling, kept a food log, got my supplement game on and took life day by day.
April 2015
This brings us to April 2015 where I had yet another reality check. I was driving to work one morning and pain that I had never felt was filling my entire abdominal area. My stomach felt like it was on fire. I was sweating, my heart racing and body shaking. I’m not sure how I made it into my classroom, but I was found doubled over on my desk, white as a ghost. It wasn’t until my co-teacher came in and took one look at me and we were off to the emergency room. After a CAT scan and blood work, the doctor told me that my pancreas was severely inflamed and I would not be leaving the hospital until my pancreas returned back to normal. I was hospital bound for the next three days and diagnosed with pancreatitis.
Once I was released, an overwhelming amount of doctor appointments were lined up. I was set to see a gastroenterologist, a dietician and get an ultrasound of all my organs. Never did I ever think I would be getting an ultrasound at the ripe age of 25. But never say never! “All your organs look fine, just a lot of gas in your colon” and off I went. I decided to skip the dietician and do my own research on finding a more holistic approach. During all the physically, mental and emotional hurdles I was facing, I found myself nerding out on scientific articles that focused on different diets, stress management, sleep, mindfulness, all things I was lacking. I couldn’t settle for just IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome) as my diagnosis. Mainstream doctors wanted to shove antibiotics down my throat to bandage my gut, not fix it. I finally came across a functional medicine doctor, Dr. Geisk, that seemed to be on the same page as me. I would find myself working with her for the next two years. Dr. Geisk was the doctor that introduced me to leaky gut, dysbiosis and adrenal fatigue. All health terms that the mainstream doctors never mentioned to me once. It turns out, I was a walking poster child of all three.
October 2015
I now had a whole new gut related vocabulary that I was fascinated to read up on. At this point in the game, I could have opened up my own functional medicine office with the amount of information and resources I was collecting in my spare time. I was finding joy in learning about all these different health terms and found myself bringing up these discoveries in conversations I had with people. Dr. Geisk had me continue to take digestive enzymes with every meal and put me on antimicrobials to try and gain control of the overgrowth of bad bacteria that seemed to be taking over my gut. I was bouncing back and feeling myself around the holiday season. My acne was barley noticeable and I knew what foods I could eat and what foods to avoid. It was about damn time!
January 2016
New year, new me! I was getting a hold of myself and embracing my new life style. I was cooking way more meals as opposed to eating raw salad and veggies that were, at the time, hard on my digestive system. I was in a better mindset with my parents divorce being finalized too. I felt I was in a good routine. My bi-weekly doctor appointments turned into monthly ones and my stomach pains were few and far between. I was ramping up my workout routine that now took place in a Crossfit gym on the island. I drank the kool-aid and I was hooked.
May 2016
Hmmm a few pimples started to resurface, but no big deal. Hmmm now a few of my favorite foods (avocados and nuts) were starting to cause me bloat and gas. Well this is strange…I noticed that the workouts I have been busting through seemed to leave me gasping for air more than usual. Ummmm okay, what was going on NOW!? Slowly, but surely I was back to square freaking one. I found myself crying to Dr. Geisk in pure frustration. Why did I feel like I was regressing?? What the hell was I doing wrong?! I was the ideal patient. I did every single thing my doctor asked me to do and I was feeling terrible AGAIN. Back on the antimicrobials I went and more tests were being done. I went through the same routine for about six months until I was doubled over AGAIN.
December 2016
Day one of Christmas break away from school and my students. YES, finally a break! Well...until I woke up that morning and fell doubled over on the couch with that all too familiar abdominal pain. I wasted no time calling up Dr. Geisk. She wanted to treat me as if my pancreas was inflamed so I went on a liquid diet for five days. All I could consume was water, bone broth and apple juice. Hangry was brought to an entirely new level. Of course with nothing in my system I was so weak and short tempered. It took all strength for me to get out of bed. We were puzzled. I then spent the next month eating baby food pouches to keep digestion to a minimum. Guys, I can’t make this up. My weight was dropping quickly and I was beginning to hate what I looked like. It was in these moments that Dr. Geisk saw my hopelessness and referred me to a new gastro doctor, one that followed a much more holistic approach. Welp, again never say never. I was now prepping myself for my first colonoscopy and endoscopic exam. Don’t people in their 50’s get these suckers done!? Whyyyyy me? While my colonoscopy came back clear, samples taken from my stomach during the endoscopic exam showed malabsorption. My next step was to be tested for small intestinal bacteria overgrowth (SIBO). This was a new term for me.
Happy New Year!
The first two months of 2017 were far from happy. My acne was worse than ever before and I was still in pain. I quit Crossfitting in January (something that was sooooo hard for me to do). I was trying to do the whole “listen to your body” approach. If only I had given this a try back when all my symptoms started to surface (insert eye roll emoji). Crossfit was no longer happening and I was spending most of my time in the kitchen whipping up all homemade meals until my SIBO test took place.
March 2017
My SIBO test was next on the agenda. I had to drink some weird sugar concoction and blow into a bag every twenty minutes. I was being monitored on how much methane and hydrogen was in the breath. Depending on how high my numbers got, this would tell the doctor if I had too much bad bacteria in my small intestine. By the end of the four hours, my numbers had tripled what they originally were. I was now diagnosed with SIBO.
Finally a name for what I was dealing with! For the next three months I dove deeper than ever in research. I was buying books on SIBO, downloading recipes, joining support groups and listening to podcasts. I was learning what foods to eat and what foods to avoid. Feel free to nerd out on some SIBO facts here. This website was a key resource for me. For those of you less nerdy, the spark note version of SIBO is this: bad bacteria creeps into the small intestine over time and lives on the consumption of sugar and certain carbohydrates causing significant bloat, gas and cramping (just to name a few). Therefore, many protocols suggest starving the bacteria by taking these foods out of your diet.
Up to this point I had tried it all, but besides the elimination diet back when I first became sick, I never took all these foods out at the same time. In other words, for 30 days I would go without eating nuts but kept everything else the same. Then, the next 30 days I would take out all sugar and reintroduce the nuts. However, for SIBO I needed to take all of these things out AND specific carbohydrates. For most people this would be impossible. For me, it was nothing out of the ordinary. My diet became even more limited. I was officially following the Specific Carbohydrate Diet (SCD). I was bringing my lunchbox out to dinner, over to friend houses and to the beach. Here comes Candice with her bright blue lunchbox again. I have to say that I am so lucky to have such supportive friends that didn’t question why, but just allowed me to bring my own food. I had come too far to chance cross contamination and feel awful while out with friends. With that being said, I did start to feel social anxiety at times. For the small group of people on island that I did not hang out with as often as others, it was hard to go out to dinner with them. I found myself making excuses not to meet up because how could I go out to eat when there was nothing on the menu I could have? I didn’t want to be the talk of the dinner table. I was tired of talking about my gut problems. I was now at the point of isolation. My view on food was shifting. I was eating solely to live. There was no joy in eating anymore. I was obsessing over restaurant menus and felt scared to introduce different foods back into my diet. I had a list of “safe” foods that did not bother my stomach. For the next three months I rotated these ten foods in out and of my diet. I had some good days and some bad days, but to be completely honest I was on an emotional rollercoaster. I went through a phase where I felt sorry for myself. Here I am 27 years old not acting like a 27 year old at all. I should be out enjoying happy hour and treating myself to frozen yogurt whenever I wanted to. There were many days I cried thinking nobody is going to want to date me. How could they possibly want to date somebody that they can’t even take out to dinner!? It was tough. I journaled a lot and cried even more. Somehow I just kept chugging along. I had no other choice. I was in a new routine. Not the routine I wanted to be in, but here I was.
June 2017
I continued to go through the motions. I wasn’t feeling the best, but wasn’t feeling the worst. As the school year came to a close I decided that a move back to the mainland would be my next move. Raw truth: I was terrified to move back. Why? I was scared to leave Dr. Geisk. She had been through everything with me for the past two years. I was anxious to start over with someone new. I weighed the pros and cons and realized that after four years in Hawaii, it was time I moved closer to my family. At this point I didn’t know where the move would be to, but anywhere on the mainland would be closer than Hawaii. I packed up my things and made the move.
Summer 2017
I spent the summer in Michigan where I helped take care of my 92 year old grandpa. That was interesting to say the least. I had to adjust to his set ways quickly. I was fortunate for this opportunity because it allowed me to slowwww down. Literally, my grandpa moved at a snail pace so I wasn’t living in the fast lane anymore. I was making sleep a priority and exercise wasn’t at the top of my to-do list. I kept up on my supplements and digestive enzymes that I was taking when I left the island. My acne was still a big issue and I had on and off days of abdominal pain. This was my norm.
While staying with my grandpa I was fortunate enough to travel and see friends I had not seen in years. One trip I took was to San Diego. When I got there I just knew this was where I needed to live next. It was the beach, it was warm and it was a melting pot of people. I just so happened to meet up with a one-of-a-kind guy named Kevin that would later become my boyfriend. This was my next move. Exactly four weeks after visiting San Diego, I packed up (again) and this time I made a cross country road trip from Michigan to San Diego. It took 9 days to get there. My family was not surprised by this quick change of pace. After the shocking news that I was going to move to Hawaii, nothing surprised my family anymore. Onto the next adventure I went.
I made it to San Diego! After 9 days, 9 states and 4 national parks I was now west coast living. I could not have felt happier! Friends and family could hear the joy that filled my voice when I talked to them on the phone. I was genuinely ecstatic to be making a home in San Diego. I decided that a nanny job would keep me busy for the time being until I figured out what direction I wanted to take my career. For now, I was the 21st century version of Mary Poppins. Jumping from one family to the next I was damn busy! A good kind of busy. There were two moments in September where I felt like I had come down with the flu. I had body aches, joint pain, a low grade fever, very low energy and frequent headaches. I was just getting into the groove of things, so I pushed through it. However, none of this felt like SIBO symptoms or anything I had experienced before. Could I have caught something from the kiddos? Probably. I took it easy for the next few days until symptoms subsided. Unfortunately, that second flare up was way more intense. My joints and muscles were killing me. The joints in my eyes burned, the hairs on top of my head were sensitive to the touch. I had that oh so familiar fear rise in me again. Something was so wrong. I booked a consultation immediately with a holistic doctor in San Diego that had raving reviews. I was scheduled to see her the next day.
November 6, 2018
I sit here spilling my health journey out to all of you. Originally, My Gut Story was only going to be about my journey towards discovering my SIBO diagnosis and how I have chosen to lead a life that is not defined by this disorder. However, today I had a follow up appointment with my new doctor after feeling the multiple bouts of flu-like symptoms. We went over results of recent blood work, a saliva test, a stool test and a food sensitivity test. Information overload. With these results I was told I have another diagnosis. Drum roll please….I have Lyme Disease. Excuse me? You have to be kidding me. I found out today, this morning to be exact. Should I laugh or should I cry? I am really not sure. What I do know is that I am not sure how much more bad news I can handle. While I am grateful to know what is causing me to feel so fatigued and why my muscles feel depleted, I can’t help but scream out loud WHY THE F ME??
Damn am I about to embark on a totally new journey that is more than My Gut Story. I have absolutely no clue what this is going to entail. What I do know is that I journaled this out loud to share the raw truth with you. I wanted to remind each and every one of you that we ALL have shit going on in our lives. You and me…we are not alone. It does not matter what you are dealing with, it is no smaller of an issue than mine. I hope my on going journey is a reminder that YOU are MORE than what you are fighting. YOU are NOT battling your fight alone. WE are here TOGETHER to support, uplift and remind one another that there is WAY more to us than our struggles. I am going to continue to FIGHT and GROW along with each one of you. The stories you share are the ones that remind me that we are all in this together and CAN beat these. We’ve got this
XO,
Candice
Today - April 5, 2020
And now here I am in the year 2020 just two months away from graduating as a Functional Nutritional Therapy Practitioner. I whole heartily know that everything I’ve gone through has led me to this point. My highs and lows have brought me to a place where I can serve you and support you on your health journey. My passion is unique. My passion comes from my own health crisis and rediscovering my very own health and joy. Thank you for allowing me to share my story with you. I’m SO excited to write this next chapter.
